Actual conversation at Casa de Wellman- We’re concerned about Bree

So, lately it may have been that Rick and I have been playing a bit of Borderlands 3. We like to do this in the office, and Rick is a keyboard warrior while I park my butt on my couch with my super spiffy purple Xbox controller (which works fine with BL3, btw) and corg dozing on my lap most of the time.

It’s not a bad way to spend an evening, you should try it.

There we are shooting and looting and having a grand time getting coffee shops and diners reopened when we happen to loot a rocket launcher.

Me- Oh my god, ROCKET LAUNCHER!

Bree- /sits up and attacks my face, very excited about this rocket launcher

Rick and Me- /stare at one another in puzzlement, then back at Bree

Me, more tentatively- Rocket launcher?

Bree- /repeats attack, more excited over this mythical green loot rocket launcher than treats

 

Today we got the happy news that Netflix overcame their temporary insanity and decided to cast a corgi to play Ein. For some reason, this got us talking about genius dogs again.

 

Rick- I just wonder what she thinks you’re saying when you say ‘rocket launcher’.

Bree- /perks up from destroying Sacrificial Hedgie #392, staring at Rick intently

Me- Are you a data dog who needs a rocket launcher to take over the world?

Bree- /attacks face

Rick and Me- /puzzled, confused, and a little worried that our adorable pup is bent on world domination

Actual Conversation at Casa de Wellman- Redneck ‘defending our home’ edition

Today I had the unenviable pleasure of running some elderly gentlemen with copies of the Watchtower off my property. They were very reluctant to leave, but instead wished to converse on the charms of my courtyard. We exchanged words, and I pointed very firmly while letting them know they were interrupting my work day and they needed. to. go. (Sidenote- I don’t know when the invitation to remove oneself from one’s property became less immediate, but really think that this is a rather pointed sentiment that is not up for discussion or debate.)

Of course the pups were all riled up at this point, and continued to be for quite some time. I peeked out my window, images of Gladys Kravitz dancing in my mind, and saw our stalwart Witnesses continued to peruse the cul de sac, looking into windows, and essentially casing the joints.

Well. During the day, I’m a lone chica at this end of the block, and I’m ornery, and I wasn’t digging them as people. So I did the only thing a bitchy pagan like me can do and busted out my Zoe Firefly prop gun and paced my courtyard with it on my shoulder until our gentlemen got the point.

It only took three circuits. I’m not sure if they were unusually discerning or if somehow in between our conversation and my propping they decided I was somehow intimidating-er, but was glad to see them hop into their white little car and pedal away.

I discussed the event with his Rickness as we headed out to dine this evening- enjoy!

 

Rick- So do I need to stay home tomorrow and sit out in the courtyard with my P90 in a wifebeater? (Note, his P90 is an airsoft gun, and it doesn’t hurt THAT bad. Mostly.)

Me- holy chao, yes, yes you do.

Rick- I need to get some faked up beer cans.. maybe just lay in some of my root beer bottles and rip the labels off…

Me- YES! We’ll need to go buy you a wifebeater…

Rick- it has to have stains…

Me- We can make it look super authentic with coffee… hey, there’s a storm rolling in in time for balloon fiesta…

Rick- so I’m going to sit in the courtyard with a fake gun and get wet.

Me- It’ll be FUN!

 

We deserve each other, I know.

 

 

Celebrating Fall or My New Menagerie and/or The Craven.. maybe all of the above

I may have gone overboard a little.

 

I love fall. I love the cooler temperatures, the mellow afternoons out in the open air that can happen since it’s no longer too damn hot, the many many reasons I can find to sip wine in those open air spaces.

And maybe, I also associate fall with wonderful things because of this-

vows

-which happened on a particularly beautiful, rainy fall afternoon.

This particular year, I was feeling a little more festive than usual and ended up buying a few critters to hang out in my courtyard. Mom says the sign should stay all year.

Thanks mom.

Just for fun, I thought I’d share a short tale from the Way of the Fae that seems kind of apropos considering the time of year. If you like it, please feel free to check out the rest of the book. All I ask is that if you hate it, you don’t tell me, and if you like it, pass it on!

 

The Craven

Never can I not remember the evils that took place that November, when the world lost the fairest maid ever to walk to settle a score. I may be but a young fae lad, and I’m told that my fancies will grow cooler and paler as the years pass- and yet, and yet, I know I shall feel the sting of this pain till the veriest last.

For many days after the sad tidings were delivered, I remained in my burrow and laid alone. Neither wind nor rain touched me as I swaddled myself in the care of the numb. Friends came, but I saw none of them, in my den their words could not reach me, their hands could not touch me. Part of me wishes I laid there still, but I am obliged to sit upon this perch until I am stone, or he is no more.

Sometimes I wonder which happy occasion will arrive first.

All my sorrow, all my plight, all my pain, all my loss, all of the suffering of my light of love is lain on his doorstep. This low dull witted creature, this cowardly mule headed fool that drove my darling to doom. For some farcical point of human pride, he laid all that was decent aside and played the dastard to win her hand without a care for her heart.

When the lovely girl was among the living, she was one that would suffice, once she no longer drew breath, she was the only who had ever lived. Long and long I plotted and pondered how to insure his short pathetic human life was as miserably squandered as surely as my lady had been damned.

At last it came to me one dark night in which my heart found no solace, and I took on an ill omened form. As black as an unredeemed soul, with eyes to fix upon the heart and render it cold, I spread my wings and flew to the pleasant house of prosperity he preferred. 

It took only minutes to find him seated before a roaring fire in velveted comfort, warm and well fed and well cared for, looked after all his life long. His smug countenance as he turned the page, undoubtedly with a mental aside that his abilities were far superior to the wordsmith he read, nearly undid all my good (or ill, if one considers it as such) intentions as I wanted nothing more than to bury the beak of my borrowed form within his breast. How dare he smirk so in such satisfaction when my beloved lay in her cold virginal tomb!

With a fury I knocked in the only way I could, pounding for admittance across the threshold, but did he leave his comfortable chair by the fire to see who called at such an hour? No, he did not! It was a gentle faced lady who came by my beckoning, looking out into the swirl of snow. In through the politely cracked door I swept, silent as a shadow. The housekeeper frowned, thought, then yes! shrugged and turned away, following the call of all the chores necessary to keep the residents in their accustomed comfort. 

You may read and wonder in all of my plotting and planning how did I see to disrupt one such as this? With servants to cater to his every whim, a home to take pride in and social standing to spare how could I ever hope that the mounting sense of injustice be repaired?

And to you I would respectfully offering this reminder- all of the blessings that money can convey, all of the status, all of the worldly possessions you may surround yourself with- none of these things can weigh against the engagement of the conscience and the weight of the guilt carried within one’s mind. 

Down the hall I ghosted, my determination as solid as the oak of the door to the chamber that I knocked upon next. And heard a start and a shuffle, then a pause like a breath held, waiting to see if the tapping would resound or was but a fancy.

When he let the breath go, I knocked again, and when he called out, his voice had a quaver that filled me with chilled delight.

“Sir or Madame, truly your forgiveness I implore! But the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping, and so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my chamber door that I scarce heard you,” said he, as he swung the door open, apprehension a mask over his face.

Oh! To see this, to see that a midnight visitor fed his morbid fantasies, I settled on the lintel above the door. For the dread was too delicious not to be drawn out and savored, lingering so sweetly against my senses as he whispered, “Lenore?”

With a shudder at the stillness, he lingered but a moment looking up and down the hall. As soon as he shut the door, I flew to through kitchen and stable to alight upon his window ledge. There I made more noises pecking at the shutters, hoping to set his pulse once more aflutter.

“Surely,” he said, “Surely that is something at my window lattice. Let me see then what the threat is, and this mystery explore. Let my heart be still a moment and this mystery explore, tis the wind and nothing more.”

Thus emboldened, he thrust open sashes, up windows, out shutters with violent motions, and welcomed me into his pleasantly cozy abode. Grandly in I went, noble as a prince, to settle upon a suitably glowering bust, joining my gaze to the blind eyes and looking down, down, down in judgment at my foe. And there I sat, onyx eyes boring into his very soul.

“Though thy crest by shorn and shaven thou art sure no craven, ghastly grim and ancient raven wandering from the nightly shore. Tell me what thy lordly name is on the Night’s Plutonian shore!”

Oh! And now the word, the perfect word, the essence of my sadness that would drive this excrescence down the path to madness was the part of my plot that had finally moved me from my burrow. For all of his clever classical references and mocking tone, I gave a single word in answer- “Nevermore.”

He stared up at me for long minutes in silent marvel, and perfectly still I remained as though I myself had become one with the bust on which I rested. Clearly, he waited for me to speak again, to further my point and give him something he could wrest against and win (at least in his own mind) with force or charm. 

Then he scoffed and muttered, “Other friends have flown before- on the morrow he will leave me, as my hopes have flown before.”

If I could have smiled with the same smug smirk I had seen from him so recently, I would have, as it was, I answered him, “Nevermore.”

Startled, he did as most men do and went to explanations, suppositions, some trick of logic to will away the creeping of his flesh. “Doubtless,” he said, “what it utters is its only stock and store caught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster followed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore- till the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore of never- nevermore.”

Not settled enough in his argument to dismiss away the apparition of me, he drew his velvet chair away from the fire and sat opposite me to ponder my appearance and the meaning of the one word I would continue to gift him with forevermore. I kept my unbirdlike stillness, my burning gaze fixed upon his visage, taking pleasure in his every shortened breath and twitch. I knew already he thought of his lost lady, and as much blame as eyes can have were concentrated within mine as I stared down from the bust.

“Wretch!” he cried. “Thy God hath lent thee- by angels he hath sent thee respite, respite and nepenthe from thy memories of Lenore! Quaff, oh quaff this kind nepenthe and forget this lost Lenore!”

I scoffed to myself, as though I would release him from his care so easily! but merely said, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet!” he screamed, “Thing of evil! Prophet still, if bird or devil! Whether Tempter sent or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore, desolate yet all undaunted, on this desert land enchanted on this home by horror haunted- tell me truly, I implore! Is there balm in Gilead? Tell me, tell me, I implore!”

To which I answered, “Nevermore.”

“Prophet,” he cried again, fists clutching his head in despair, “thing of evil! Prophet still if bird or devil! By the Heaven that bends above us- by the God we both adore- tell this soul with sorrow laden if, within the distant Aidenn, it shall clasp a sainted maiden whom the angels name Lenore- clasp a rare and radiant maiden whom the angels name Lenore.”

And there it was, the veriest peak, the jagged edge of madness he had reached, the shape of my revenge had taken form as his mind began to break before the storm… and all I said was, “Nevermore.”

Like a shot from the chair, his mien unhinged, he screamed, “Be that word our sign of parting, bird or fiend! Get thee back into the tempest and the Night’s Plutonian shore! Leave no black plume as a token of that lie thy soul hath spoken! Let my loneliness unbroken- quit the bust above my door! Take thy beak from out my heart and thy form from my off my door!”

For a long moment, I pondered, truly pondered what damage I took upon my soul- was I no better than my rival? Unbidden came the image of the white marble tomb that housed my love, Lenore, and before I could think further, I merely said, “Nevermore.”

Random Conversation at Casa de Wellman- Lego Hell edition

Because I’m an insane giant child, I got Rick a Lego Star Destroyer for our 10 year anniversary. No, I have no idea where we’re going to put the giant thing.

This evening, it has drawn close to completion, prompting the following conversation.

Rick- um, so I don’t know what to do with this thing. It just keeps getting bigger.

Me- that’s what happens when you come home every night AND KEEP PUTTING PIECES ON IT.

Anyone know a good carpenter? We may need shelves.

Random Ramble- So the thing about the new book…

It’s not going to be even primarily written in 30 days.

Sorry, guys.

I’m being realistic here- there’s no way this story can be told like a Nessa story.. but I’m going to say that without those stories and without tackling all the different voices of the fae folk, there’s no way I’d be able to try what I’m about to try.

One of the joys (?) of getting older- if not growing up- is in learning to cope with loss for which there is no remedy. How many blows can the spirit take? What is it that inspires us to keep hope and love alive, over and over again- why can some people do it and some just go brittle and break?

I’ve got characters searching for redemption and peace- others trying to find ways to inspire it in others. One of them- charming lass named Maya, has been trying to come out for a long time now, and I’m kind of amazed that she’s finally ready. She’s got a lot on her mind, a long road to walk as she explores the little city I call home.

There’s Janney- who very deliberately sets out to change the world, one person at a time, with a certain odd mix of results.

The city is there, too, and I hope I do her justice- all the whimsicality that comes with being a crossroads of so many cultures and lifestyles. It’s a culmination of random ‘wtf was that’ moments from over twenty years of Albuquerque citizenship… by the way, red or green with that?

Hey, can you shut the light? I gots to get some sleep over here….

Customer Service from Hell- Wizardry Foundry, please stop outsourcing your customer service.

Just.. without words on this one. All I’ll say is that the products are beautiful, but if you ever think you’ll need support, don’t buy from these guys.

 

The original query- September 9

Hey there.. I placed an order awhile ago for what I thought was something small and compact to hold a couple decks.What I got is a pair of giant behemoths that, while extremely cool, isn’t exactly my idea of portable. I looked carefully at the measurements before placing my order for the Pro Tour.What I ended up with measures 12 x 10 x 4. Can you tell me where I went wrong?

Order # – SHO#5281

(copied and pasted from their website into the form so they’d see why I was obsessing over measurements)

What is the difference between the Grimoire Pro Tour and the Grimoire Deck Box?The Grimoire Pro Tour and The Grimoire Deck Box are different sizes.

The Grimoire Pro Tour is a smaller, more portable version of the Grimoire Deck Box. In contrast, a Grimoire Deck Box is designed to hold between 800-1000 cards, while the Grimoire Pro Tour holds 300-400 cards.

How many cards/decks can fit into a Grimoire Pro Tour?2 Ultra Pro Mana Flip deck boxes

3 Ultra Pro 75 card deck boxesmeasures: 8.07″ x 8.54″ x 3.7″weighs only 1.5 pounds

How many cards/decks can fit into the Grimoire Deck Box?1000 single sleeved cards or800 double sleeved cards10 Ultra Pro 75 card deck boxes 4 Ultra Pro Mana Flipmeasures: 9.8″ x 9.4″ x 3.5″weighs only 3 pounds

 

Reply 1- September 9

Hello Ari,

Thanks for getting in touch with us. Can you provide a picture od the items that you have received, along with their interior iside and also our packaging material?

As soon as we receive the photos, we will be able to evaluate the situation and provide you with a solid resolution.
Regards,
Radmila

 

Followup 1-

Packing materials is a no, I recycled them. Here’s what I can do. 

(attached photos)

 

Replies 2 & 3- September 10

Hello,

Thanks for providing the photos that we have requested. Please allow us some time to evaluate the issue and we will get back to you in a timely manner.

Best,
Radmila

Hi Ari,

Can you also send us a picture of the other deck box that you have received and of its interior?

Best,
Radmila

 

Followup 2- (holy chao, why has this conversation gone this far?)

I am presently at work, it is exactly the same as the first one.

 

Reply 4- September 11

Hi Ari,

Please provide the picture of the other deck box at your convenience. Please understand that we need the photo, as per our policy.

Best,
Radmila

 

Followup 3- (why is policy at play here? I asked a question about which dang box I got, that’s all!)

Please understand that I don’t care about your policies. I am simply trying to find out if you shipped me the wrong box or not before I decide to throw good money after bad.

Can you answer the very simple question? Is there someone else that can? This lag time and these demands are obnoxious. 

 

 

Reply 5- September 12- (Finally, an answer, and a demand.)

Hello Ari,

Thanks for your fast response.We have investigated the situation and indeed we sent the Full Size instead of Pro Tour Grimoires that you originally ordered.  This is not a part off our usual procedure, but unfortunately, it has happened.

We can provide a return label for you to return the received deck boxes to us and after we receive the shipment back, we are going to send you the correct Pro Tour Deck Boxes.

Please let us know if that option works for you.
Best,
Radmila

 

 

Followup 4- (in which my patience is exhausted)

So, let’s walk for a minute together here, and think about this with some modicum of logic.

1. I ordered a smaller box.
2. You screwed up and sent me the larger box.
3. You are putting the burden of shipping these giant boxes back to you, with packing materials I no longer have and don’t really care to pay to replace.
If I really want the smaller box, why wouldn’t I just order it and hope that you get it right this time? Or, you know, based on the fact that it took multiple days and some pretty nasty demanding emails from you to get a question answered, just go find another company to do business with?
Frankly, your customer service leaves a whole lot to be desired.
Reply 6- September 13

Hello Ari,

I understand how this situation can be frustrating, so hopefully, we can get this sorted out for you.

We are operating within our company policy, which is very strict. Unfortunately, the mess up happened and you received the bigger and more expensive box than the ones that were originally ordered. By this reason, we have two options to propose in order to solve this issue:

1. We can make a swap and resend you the Pro Tour box once the Full Sized box is sent back to us
2. or you can keep the Full-Size box that you have already received  and there is no need to send it back to us

Please let us know what option works better for you and we will follow up accordingly.
Thank you for your business,
Best,
Radmila

Followup 5- (and now I’m just done)
Wow.. congratulations, this is officially the worst customer service experience I’ve had in a while. Let me point out a few things.

1. I didn’t ask you to FIX anything about my order. I asked you if I received the wrong product. It took 5 emails to get an answer- does that seem efficient or helpful to you?
2. You have not apologized for the situation.
3. Again, I don’t give a damn about your policies, so please stop telling me about them- I wasn’t asking you to ‘fix’ me, I was asking for information.
I’ve come to the conclusion that this is outsourced support and you are paid per email. It’s the only reason you’d drag out such a simple conversation for so. dang. long.
Or you’re not too bright.
Either way, I’d like the contact information for someone above you, because I find it deeply offensive that you are paid actual money to do a job this poorly.
Reply 7- September 13- (in which we move into yup, this is gonna be a blog post territory)

Ari,

This is the supervisor for the support staff. I appreciate your kind words for the staff and we will get your situation squared away.

What solution do you have in mind? Obviously it does sound like you have your internal standard and policy you operate off.

JL

Final followup-
Yes, my standards and policies revolve around first contact resolution, clearly a deeply unfathomable concept in the shop you’re supervising. There’s also some pretty strong principles around truly trying to help people with efficiency and effectiveness, expressing regrets when a customer is inconvenienced, and trying to genuinely walk in your customer’s shoes.
Your sarcasm, snarkiness, and lack of anything resembling approaching consideration have helped make up my mind about whether or not to purchase more goods from the company. I love the product, but I don’t want to be stuck dealing with you if something goes wrong. 
I truly hope that you don’t go home at night feeling like you earned the money you’ve made if this is any example of the work you and your team does. This isn’t service, this is annoyance until a would be customer shuts up and goes away.

Random Ramble- My positions on the issues, because 2020 is coming

My position on 2020 is that I should have a self flying car.

I think that a crisp fall afternoons are for baking something with pumpkin or apple or maple or cinnamon/nutmeg in it.

I will stand in firm support of cuddles from pets, people, you name it, as long as it wants to cuddle you back.

Kindness is good, and I want it to be easier to be kind without red tape and being worried about being taken advantage of. Ditto helpful. Ditto thoughtful.

I will go on record as saying that I am unquestioningly, unequivocally pro-nap- in moderation. Just one a day, really.

I believe people should spend more time daydreaming.

My position on things you may not like… gay marriage, pot, abortion, children, pets, an alcoholic beverage, guns… if you don’t like them, don’t have them, and your opinions on them only apply to you.

I know my last position has come under question from time to time- but I assure you, I still believe that Ewoks are methed out Care Bears.

Cause a girl’s gotta have standards.

 

 

Random virtual conversation- Nature vs nurture.. with bonus news(ish)

[3:18 PM, 9/9/2019] Ari: [1:54 PM, 9/9/2019] Mom: How’s Rick today?
[2:04 PM, 9/9/2019] Ari: don’t really know.. haven’t seen him today
[2:12 PM, 9/9/2019] Mom: did he go to work?
[2:14 PM, 9/9/2019] Ari: no, he locked himself in a small room and there’s a foul odor emanating from it; I fear he has shuffled off this mortal coil.. that he has ceased to be… that he wouldn’t move if I pumped 20,000 volts in to him.. and he has thrown down the curtain and joined the choir invisible.. I fear he could be… AN EX- RICK
[2:14 PM, 9/9/2019] Ari: yes, he went to work
[2:24 PM, 9/9/2019] Mom: you are a smart ass
[2:24 PM, 9/9/2019] Ari: and I come by it honestly
[2:25 PM, 9/9/2019] Mom: well yeah…you really didn’t have much of a chance

 

Funny things happen when fall rolls around.. I start thinking about good old November. And I’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that while I do have another fae book in me, it’s going to have to wait.

That’s right, I’m going for the real book.. the liter’ry effort. The adult fiction in which I explore themes of connection among the disconnected, grief, severance of body from soul, definition of self, divinity of self, sin, and redemption.

Sounds like a nice, light read for the beach, amirite?

 

 

Random Ramble-Not an auspicious start to the day

So I woke up around 4 to find that most fearsome of findings.. a sick Rick. Considering I’d gone to bed late with some lovely shingles effects hitting post migraine, the news was unwelcome at best.

Like the angelic and sympathetic wife I am, I ascertained that there was nothing to be done for sick Rick and went back to sleep until his next spasm of stomach revolt woke me again.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

I got up and went out to start my day with breakfast (which I did tactfully offer to eat far far away from sick Rick), and upkeep of my happy little zen places, which I think I will be adjourning to later today.

The hose in the front yard has had a leak for a few days now.. well, today it decided to turn just so and really let loose, rapidly dowsing me, my zen place, Bree, and the entryway of the house.

Really everywhere but the plants I needed it to hit.

After scrambling to turn the damn thing off, I stood there, dripping and shivering in the light morning breeze, and a hummingbird dove for me.

Understand, I’m wearing black. It wasn’t attracted by color. It hung in the air in a perfect Disney moment six inches from my nose, and I know damned good and well it said ‘HA HA’ a la Nelson.

We’ve got a week to go til Santa Fe Ren Faire, a pile of work to do, a hose to go buy and install, laughing asshole hummingbirds, a pissed off wet corgi, and two bodies that don’t reallllly wanna cooperate.

Can I go back to bed?