You know, I’m all about going your own way, having your own thoughts, walking your own path- and I’m aware that tend to have some pretty crazy ideas about how I want to live my life.

And I get really annoyed when someone tries to tell me I’m doing it wrong.

When it comes to not wanting to do the things just because it’s what you are told, I get it, I get it, I get it.

All that said, now is not the time to be playing ‘let’s fight the man’ and ‘fake news’ and ‘the govmint is treating us like sheep’. I know it can be hard to see in parts of the country that don’t have a whole lot of exposure to more populated areas, and the only impact you feel is the one to the economy. It’s hard to give a shit about people 3,000 miles away who are sick when you know of 300 people around you that are losing businesses, not able to make rent, and having to go to the food bank. To them, it is wrong for the government to control so much, and we are stupid to go along with it- because the more immediate danger and pain is the one right in front of them, not the horrors that they haven’t seen and can barely conceive of. They need to believe that there’s an end in sight, that the danger has been overstated, that we can return to business as usual very soon- even though that is absolutely not what the data and facts are telling us.

But let’s be real here for a second- when it comes to these folks writing their anti government/corona is a hoax rhetoric, exhorting you to think for yourself- the real message is ‘Think for yourself, as long as you think like me.’

And it’s dangerous. Because not all of this country is a small town with limited exposure to more populated areas. We might wish it was, but it’s not. Just like we could wish that the dangers of covid19 were overstated, but they are not. And after 6 weeks of isolation, if I had acted in fear when it came to that decision, sheer boredom would have worn out that fear by now.

So please… if you see one of these rants, check the facts and consider NOT passing it on. Snopes has been around for a very long time, debunking as fast as they can, as thoroughly as they can.

And you don’t have to agree with me… not at all. I just hope that you place value on human life and sacrifice to the point where you can’t conceive of risking lives because you’re tired of waiting this thing out. There is light at the end of that tunnel. And if you need help, reach out… there’s tons of helping hands, including my own.

I want to keep hanging out on this big blue marble, and I want you to be here, too.

Before I get on with the meat and potatoes of my outrage, I wanted to share a little summat I figured out.

I know why people hate John Oliver.

He’s genuinely invested in the topics he discusses, and walks through some stories that are incredibly complex with humor that a lot of folks can relate to. But those topics are things that some of us have already formed a concrete opinion about without really examining them from more than one angle, and he has a snooty accent, so he’s clearly wrong and right up there with wildly snobbish and likely misinformed people who berate us to ‘take a moment and educate ourselves’.

And I’m sorry people feel that way. No, I don’t think he’s always funny, but I do think he truly cares about the people he’s trying to impart information to… and in a time when a lot of people in media are just looking for the next two points to score off the Great and Powerful Cheeto… well, maybe a slightly weasel faced, adult language Mr. Rogers is the hero we need.

That said, back to your regularly scheduled rant, now with supplemental rant material, courtesy of one John Oliver.

MLMs are kind of the devil to me, for a couple of reasons. Yes, I’ve been caught in one before. Yes, I’ve had friends who wanted to just come demonstrate X Y Z for me (and wouldn’t take no for an answer even though we were a one income household and there was no spare money for anything, let alone extremely expensive X Y Z). I’ve had my phone number given out to these companies because I was an ‘interested salesperson’. TL:DR- Lost an entire group of friends who were all caught up in the MLM insanity because I wouldn’t play along and got pissed about being called up while I was at work for a second job that meant pissing off the rest of my friends by pulling the same shit.

So, once that debacle had ended, I already had a pretty jaundiced view of the industry. If one can call it that.

Then, on a wild hair, I updated by Facebook profile to include where I went to school. And holy chao, so many people from the past started reaching out, people I remembered through a haze of twenty years and a patina of nostalgia.

People who listed their profession as ‘consultant’ or ‘entrepreneur’ or ‘boss babe’. People who wanted to know if I’d heard about this amazing new opportunity.

And suddenly I remembered that I did not have a lot of friends in high school, and I was much more okay with that.

A little more time went on, and Rick and I started our chainmail business. We’re two pretty shy and reclusive people, and for us, going to events and speaking for our product wasn’t the easiest thing we’ve ever done. But you know, we managed it. Every time someone asks us, “Did you make this?” we get to say yes, yes we did with a little glow of pride at the amazement in their voices. To be fair, we’re not going to get rich off this work- for us, the enrichment comes in the satisfaction of creation, not in dollars and cents. There’s always something new to try, a smile we can bring to someone’s face when they get the piece they truly wanted just right, and in the fact that there’s two very happy members of our family that enjoy everything we create just as much as we do.

It’s a different kind of currency, but we love it. We give up vacation time to it, evenings, weekends, and we’re fine with that, because it’s all about the next piece, the next event.

Then more time went by and I started writing again. Four books in four years, and yes, they are published and out in the world. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe the thrill I felt when I picked up my first physical book and held it in my hands. I kept opening the pages and running my fingers over the letters, like it was a dream that would disappear if I didn’t hold onto it. Every November and December, I give up normal life to make this happen, because the act of creation is a sacred thing to me. They may not be the best books ever written, but you know? They make people laugh, keep them guessing, and make them want to follow my characters for a little while, and that’s not nothing.

I took a long time wending my way around to get here… but what I’m trying to say is-

I’m going to close with the infamous words of Lloyd Dobler.

“I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed.”

Pretty close to how I feel… I want to ask questions, create, ponder, and answer questions.

And that’s working out pretty well for me so far.

So, let’s start with the good news.

It’s over, Sam.

Amazingly, after being 20 emails deep in the chain, more tweets, posts, and exchanges on Kickstarter than I care to try to tally up, the part arrived. It was unbroken, and the same color as the rest of the table, and no tiny midget assassins leapt from the box, intent on my imminent demise and wipe my posting history.

Yeah, I was shocked as hell, too.

We’re still missing a pile of accessories that we paid for. I asked Rick what he wanted to do, and he shrugged. “If they come, they come.”

So that’s where we are. A horrible customer experience, and complete apathy and lethargy in the wake of something we were truly excited to be getting.

What a wonderfully gross example of a quintessential moment of adult life.

For the folks that haven’t received their stuff yet, the best advice I can give is to hound relentlessly. Report Table of Ultimate Gaming to Kickstarter as fraud for not giving the rewards. Email support@woodenbot, mina@woodenbot.com, and melissa@woodenbot.com daily, asking them why they haven’t followed up. Post to their Facebook and YouTube pages until your banned, and on Twitter after that, where they can’t ban you.

Best of luck, guys. You’re gonna need it.

To make sure you aren’t getting the following rant confused with any other super spiffy cool gaming tables out there, it’s this site right here- https://ultimategametable.com/

OK… so, in general, I love the concept of Kickstarter. To see people get their ideas for some really cool products off the ground and to occasionally get to be a part of it is a delight.

Until it isn’t.

Rick and I have been in the market for a true gaming table since we saw one at GenCon in 2008. We just didn’t want to pay $5,000 for one- to us, because it wasn’t directly Star Wars related, that felt a tad extreme. (Had it been a glass Snow White style coffin table containing Han in Carbonite and we may have relented on that point.)

So when this group of guys got their Kickstarter going last year, we were all on board. We put down the money (which while not $5k, still not chump change) and waited eagerly for our new precious.

And waited. And waited.

When we finally got our table, it came with one of the side rails busted. With a sigh, we put the rest together anyway, and noticed that the top surface, dragon decorations, and cup holders were all missing.

That means the table is not functionally a table, it’s only a gaming surface. Which, come Thanksgiving time, is a bit of a problem.

Two days after Thanksgiving, the top surface pieces arrive. But not a replacement for the broken rail. So we have half a table surface, and half a gaming surface. The company has also discontinued the color of our table- meaning who knows what color the replacement pieces will be if we ever get them.

It’s now been a year since we paid into the Kickstarter, and the company is now no longer answering our emails or chats. When we try posting on their Facebook page about it, they delete our posts and block our profiles from commenting. Clearly, this is not what we paid for, and while we’re coping with it as best we can, we’re not very happy about the situation and feeling like we’re kind of out of options beyond small claims court.

The product itself is amazing, and we love the idea of it and the pieces we have. But we live in fear that we’re never getting our replacement parts.

And then we took a look at the Kickstarter comments. (Spoiler alert, we aren’t the only ones. Practically every comment are coming from folks that haven’t gotten all their parts, or no table at all.)

So what am I saying here?

Don’t buy a Table of Ultimate Gaming. The company support is garbage and they don’t care to actually fix that problem if its easier just to mute the people who are complaining. They are running sales and doing their best to drum up new business this very minute, while doing nothing to take care of the customers who already bought and paid for their gear.

If you have geek friends who might be considering a purchase from this company, please please let them know!

So, right now in New Mexico, there’s like a thing that we don’t see very often or maybe you know, like ever.

Crazy, huh? Lived here for over twenty years, ain’t never seen this.

So, like anyone who’s about to be potentially snowed in for like.. a day.. Rick and I took some precautions. We went and had a steak dinner, and then we went to get dog food, cause Bree, even as we were standing there making plans, emptied the dog food dish right in front of us.

You have to admire any creature that’s THAT direct.

Out we went.. nothing major weather wise going on yet, just a few flakes here and there. We had a pleasant dinner, were told how cute we are with our matching Star Wars shirts (didn’t have the heart to tell her that this is just our wardrobe, not like we coordinate), and we headed off to get dog food.

First, we encountered this special soul.

That’s right. They parked IN the cart return, with the back end of the truck blocking the two way traffic for the whole aisle. What a charmer.

It took about 4 laps to find a spot. OK fine, store’s busy, we get that.

What we found inside.. oh my.

This is with five checkers and four self checkouts open.

Now, one of the fun things about this experience (and really, I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t looking for the fun) was seeing what our fellow shoppers considered staples.

Most of them, I understood. Water, bread, eggs, and milk (I think I’m going to have nightmares about the whole dairy section, honestly), all of that I got.

The five cases of water, two cases of bud light, and enough random alcohol to lay down a frat house was interesting. And we weren’t the only ones looking… some people sparked up whole conversations over what they were buying and why.

(In the interests of full disclosure, our cart contained Iams dog food, pizza rolls, apple fritters, a block of Tillamook cheddar, gorditas, and bread, milk, and eggs. Cause I know the damn rules, folks.)

In cocking my ear towards one of the conversations that came up, I heard a fiftysomething lady tell her new friend that she’d brought her checkbook, because her interwebs was down and she wasn’t sure that she’d be able to use a debit card. I bit my tongue and did not take it upon myself to spread knowledge about how the interchange system works with great difficulty. There may still be dents in my tongue, I kid you not. It didn’t help that Rick caught my eye and KNEW I wanted to start the educatin. Bloody man.

Paid for, yes, by debit card, we headed out to find this incredibly I don’t even know what parking job in progress next to our truck.

And yes, the perpetrator walked away and LEFT IT LIKE THIS CAUSE IT WAS JUST FINE.

And when she was done, the driver saw Rick and I standing and staring at this travesty of parking etiquette, stuck her nose in the air, and flounced away in her Think Pink sequined sweater without even a sheepish look.

I left her a note. It had no cuss words in it. Are yall proud? And if you know someone who would wear that that drives that and parks like that, I hope you’ll let them know they are a terrible person. If we hadn’t been able to pull through the other side, we would have been stuck there while her Pinkness shopped and went through the heinously long checkout lines.

At this point, Rick and I decided we were pretty done with people in general and headed home.

Now, last weekend’s project, thanks to someone who shall remain nameless, was turning the house into a smart house via Google Home. As soon as we were at the door, I said ‘OK google, I’m home’, and it started the home routine.

Apparently that includes all outside lights off, living room lights on, and trumpets before the announcement ‘Ari is home!’

Rick and I burst out laughing.

Rick- Did you teach it to do that?

Me- No! But now I kinda wish I had… I have been ANNOUNCED with fucking TRUMPETS and that’s AMAZING.

Rick sighs.

OK.. this has been becoming more and more of a thing, and if you’re wondering about the trigger, it’s someone who said, “Merry Christmas”, when what they clearly actually meant was to wish me a fine time of autofornication.

Using words meant to be imbued with kindness, peace, and good energy, for want of a better way to put it- being twisted into some condescending holier than thou way to win some kind of confrontation is just gross. It’s on that level of not quiiiiite sarcastic, but definitely with a dash of snark in there.

Common examples-

Have a nice/blessed day!

Well, bless your heart.

You need Jesus.

I’ll pray for you.

And sometimes…. Namaste.

I’m starting to reject these phony sentiments when they are offered to me with clearly different intentions. It gets some interesting reactions, like when you tell someone that has no need for it that no (looking at you, chica ringing up my $5 purchase at Michael’s), they can’t have your name or email address or phone number.

Communication is becoming rarer as we deal more with automation- and we need to be clearer and more thoughtful with it. We need to quit using these words meant to actually mean something to be the ultimate comeback that sullies the entire spirit of why people genuinely express them.

Outright hostility is better than smarmy snark, at least in my opinion.

It never fails to amaze me that every year about this time, there’s some ‘controversy’ that pops up. Sometimes it’s Starbucks cups, Happy Holidays vs Merry Christmas, or the commercialization of the holidays- this year it’s a song from 1953.

Now look, I get that we live in a culture that has to always have something new to be angry about- it’s an easy way to display your biases so that everyone understands where you fall on the political spectrum and make a lot of noise without actually having to /gasp change anything for the better.

Let me be very plain. I do NOT care where anyone falls in this debate on these song lyrics. I have my own opinions, and I don’t particularly feel the need to go trumpet them. There’s actual things wrong in the world that I’d rather put that energy towards actually doing something about- like the fact that we are presently in violation of international law for repelling minors seeking asylum at our borders. That’s worth being upset about, in my book.

But screaming slogans on social media doesn’t fix that. I sometimes think part of the reason we have outrage culture is because we feel so fucking powerless to help or hurt anything going on around us. If I let it, the fact that there’s children who don’t know if they are ever going to see their parents again who will spend tonight inside a fucking cell will rip my heart into pieces. Because it’s horrible, inhumane, and cruel. And I’ve used my voice in every way I’m given to cause change to happen. But those kids are still all alone, and I can’t do a damned thing about it and knowing that, really understanding it, makes me feel ways I can’t even put into words.

So what do I do?

Well, what I hope lots of people are doing right now- finding common ground between myself and the folks that are a part of my world. Trying to remember to be a little kinder, a little warmer, a little more hopeful and pray like hell that the caring that is inside me can become just a little infectious, spark a little love and feeling about what it is to be human. To laugh together, and find places where we can all love each other for who we are, and forgive for who we aren’t.

I’m not going to lie, friends. This year it’s particularly hard for me to feed that spark in myself- for a lot of reasons that have very little to do with the political landscape and a lot more to do with the fact that the circle of people infecting me with hope and joy and love and kindness is shrinking. People are giving into this pointless argument over a song that I personally hate a little less than ‘All I Want for Christmas is You’ and for what? What do you gain, internet cool dude points?

I don’t get it, and I guess I probably never will. All I know is it’s making certain end of year maintenance bits very easy- if someone is out there blasting their opinion merrily away about this shit like it is the be all end all fight of the century, well, it’s like the trash taking itself out.

Thanks, I guess.

Okay, okay. I know this isn’t going to be a very popular opinion.

But.

There. I said it.

While I’m getting things off my chest, if this is your idea about how to campaign for someone-

I call this #maggotmodeactivation. Still amazed they didn’t bother to engage in any way. OK, amazed and disappointed.

Then you probably shouldn’t be doing that, either.

I’m not denying that voting is extremely important- it IS! But it isn’t the be all and end all of civic duty.. and at the end of the day, there’s a pretty good chance that whoever you cast your ballot for isn’t going to win (especially if you happen to be me, go go gadget jinxAri).

But you know, no matter who wins, it is still their job to represent you. How are you holding them accountable? Are you taking part in the dialogue, or are you just passively sitting back and letting them tell you they’ll do one thing, then vote another? Or do you just not notice anything any official does until election year, when you’re bombarded with the ads and the articles.

Six local candidates left their literature on my door step, next to my No Soliciting sign. Do you know in a matter of minutes I managed to reach out to each one of them and tell them how they had cost themselves my vote… and not just for this race, but any race.

Four of them answered with apologies. Two couldn’t be bothered. None of them offered any kind of a reason why their campaign was more important than my stated desire to avoid their literature.

OK- so Arena is finally out. And it isn’t half bad- the only things about it that annoy me are-

1. It creatively acquired a lot of stuff from Hearthstone (yes, I know this because I’ve played Hearthstone, quit judging me).
2. No ability to play against friends or the computer.
3. No Two Headed Dragon

Other than that- the decks are powerful and fun to play. There’s absolutely no socializing in the game, so it’s just get in and play, which is kind of a plus, at least to me. Card flippers and other distractions annoy me when playing in the flesh, sooooo, yeah. If Arena can give us those few little bits, I’m a happy girl. Oh yeah, and if people will quit conceding- c’mon man, you don’t know what will happen, let the damn game play out already.

That said, Arena will not take the place of actually sitting down with decks- for us kitchen table (now Den of Geek) playing still trumps the digital by quite a swath.

Speaking of physical cards- last week Hasbro decided to release a super uber cool Ravnica set on their website alone. Can’t get it through their local distributors… which sucks. It’s bad enough to have Amazon and the other online retailers cutting profit to the bone to try to get customers- not everyone realizes when you go around the local game shop to save a few bucks (that you usually make up for in paying for shipping), there will come a time when you don’t have a local game shop anymore. What a double backstab to have sets only released through the publisher, too.

At least.. if that actually works. Which, I can tell you, it doesn’t. Getting my order in took at least a dozen attempts, with all kinds of errors popping up and a quadruple billing of my account. And the order was supposed to ship the next day- well, it didn’t.

Sharing my email in to Hasbro cause it’ll cover all the points of my supreme irritation just as well-

To Whom It May Concern-