Answers (?) to life, the universe, and everything from a pup loving, chainmailing, leaning towards eccentric sometime writer who probably should have been born a corgi
It’s kind of funny… I started out the year knowing that I needed to change some things up to put myself in a better place- the place I wanted to be.
I started out by choosing a new mantra for each day. Over time, I found two that truly worked for me whenever I felt things pressing down too hard.
Let go of anything that doesn’t serve you.
Anxiety is contagious, so is calm.
I still need to find a mini dragon fountain and build a zen garden for my courtyard come the spring. And maybe find a non juniper bonsai to trim. But truth is, I feel better and freer than I have in a long while. And that’s a good thing.
Before I get on with the meat and potatoes of my outrage, I wanted to share a little summat I figured out.
I know why people hate John Oliver.
He’s genuinely invested in the topics he discusses, and walks through some stories that are incredibly complex with humor that a lot of folks can relate to. But those topics are things that some of us have already formed a concrete opinion about without really examining them from more than one angle, and he has a snooty accent, so he’s clearly wrong and right up there with wildly snobbish and likely misinformed people who berate us to ‘take a moment and educate ourselves’.
And I’m sorry people feel that way. No, I don’t think he’s always funny, but I do think he truly cares about the people he’s trying to impart information to… and in a time when a lot of people in media are just looking for the next two points to score off the Great and Powerful Cheeto… well, maybe a slightly weasel faced, adult language Mr. Rogers is the hero we need.
That said, back to your regularly scheduled rant, now with supplemental rant material, courtesy of one John Oliver.
MLMs are kind of the devil to me, for a couple of reasons. Yes, I’ve been caught in one before. Yes, I’ve had friends who wanted to just come demonstrate X Y Z for me (and wouldn’t take no for an answer even though we were a one income household and there was no spare money for anything, let alone extremely expensive X Y Z). I’ve had my phone number given out to these companies because I was an ‘interested salesperson’. TL:DR- Lost an entire group of friends who were all caught up in the MLM insanity because I wouldn’t play along and got pissed about being called up while I was at work for a second job that meant pissing off the rest of my friends by pulling the same shit.
So, once that debacle had ended, I already had a pretty jaundiced view of the industry. If one can call it that.
Then, on a wild hair, I updated by Facebook profile to include where I went to school. And holy chao, so many people from the past started reaching out, people I remembered through a haze of twenty years and a patina of nostalgia.
People who listed their profession as ‘consultant’ or ‘entrepreneur’ or ‘boss babe’. People who wanted to know if I’d heard about this amazing new opportunity.
And suddenly I remembered that I did not have a lot of friends in high school, and I was much more okay with that.
A little more time went on, and Rick and I started our chainmail business. We’re two pretty shy and reclusive people, and for us, going to events and speaking for our product wasn’t the easiest thing we’ve ever done. But you know, we managed it. Every time someone asks us, “Did you make this?” we get to say yes, yes we did with a little glow of pride at the amazement in their voices. To be fair, we’re not going to get rich off this work- for us, the enrichment comes in the satisfaction of creation, not in dollars and cents. There’s always something new to try, a smile we can bring to someone’s face when they get the piece they truly wanted just right, and in the fact that there’s two very happy members of our family that enjoy everything we create just as much as we do.
It’s a different kind of currency, but we love it. We give up vacation time to it, evenings, weekends, and we’re fine with that, because it’s all about the next piece, the next event.
Then more time went by and I started writing again. Four books in four years, and yes, they are published and out in the world. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to describe the thrill I felt when I picked up my first physical book and held it in my hands. I kept opening the pages and running my fingers over the letters, like it was a dream that would disappear if I didn’t hold onto it. Every November and December, I give up normal life to make this happen, because the act of creation is a sacred thing to me. They may not be the best books ever written, but you know? They make people laugh, keep them guessing, and make them want to follow my characters for a little while, and that’s not nothing.
I took a long time wending my way around to get here… but what I’m trying to say is-
I’m going to close with the infamous words of Lloyd Dobler.
“I don’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. I don’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed.”
Pretty close to how I feel… I want to ask questions, create, ponder, and answer questions.
Amazingly, after being 20 emails deep in the chain, more tweets, posts, and exchanges on Kickstarter than I care to try to tally up, the part arrived. It was unbroken, and the same color as the rest of the table, and no tiny midget assassins leapt from the box, intent on my imminent demise and wipe my posting history.
Yeah, I was shocked as hell, too.
We’re still missing a pile of accessories that we paid for. I asked Rick what he wanted to do, and he shrugged. “If they come, they come.”
So that’s where we are. A horrible customer experience, and complete apathy and lethargy in the wake of something we were truly excited to be getting.
What a wonderfully gross example of a quintessential moment of adult life.
For the folks that haven’t received their stuff yet, the best advice I can give is to hound relentlessly. Report Table of Ultimate Gaming to Kickstarter as fraud for not giving the rewards. Email support@woodenbot, mina@woodenbot.com, and melissa@woodenbot.com daily, asking them why they haven’t followed up. Post to their Facebook and YouTube pages until your banned, and on Twitter after that, where they can’t ban you.
Just when I didn’t think this situation could possibly get any more AUGH, it did.
The last word we had prior to this installment was that our missing parts would ship either Friday the 4th or Monday the 7th.
Now we’re being told they shipped Friday the 11th. Not that we can verify that in any way by the tracker number we were given, because it goes to a login page for their shipping company. If I were feeling a bit more puckish and less Hulkish, I’d ask them for the login information in order to access it, but it just didn’t seem worth it.
We’re now 20 emails deep in the chain with these folk with no real end in sight.
While I typically try to keep these posts somewhat lighthearted, I just can’t anymore. All I can say is, if you’ve read through the saga here, and you still think it’s a good idea to give the folks from https://ultimategametable.com/ your money… I can’t help you.
Is the product concept cool? Yes, absolutely, a thousand times yes. But the sheer frustration and fury of trying to get them to respond, let alone deliver just isn’t worth it. Honestly, if I had known what I was in for, I would have paid three times the price to have exactly what I wanted delivered in a reasonable time frame.
I was in the kitchen, shredding up some Dr. Pepper slow cooked pork shoulder, when I realized that I only learned how to make it because Draz wanted to try it. I mused for a moment, thinking of all the things I tried or made for him… I only drew a line at steamed broccoli because I hated the smell of the stuff.
It made me smile, like a lot of the memories I have of him do, but then I started thinking about how I’m usually much too reserved and shy to tell people how much I care about them.
Instead, I cook. And not only do I cook- I bust my ass to make sure I am making the best possible whatever it is, putting everything I feel into working over that stove and giving that dish extreme TLC.
Because, you see, it’s my way of giving people TLC.
For Draz, it was Dr. Pepper pork shoulder. For Adam and the kids, it was meatloaf. For Dan, it was wookiee cookie cake. For my mom, it was sugar free orange chocolate cheesecake. For Frog, it was my giant double decker hot fudge cake.
For Rick, it was dragonmeat.
It goes back so many years… to my mom (oreo brownies) and my dad (chocolate chip peanut butter cookeis).
It was never enough to make something well… it had to be perfect, cause it was carrying more than the weight of some calories, it had to carry the weight of all the things I couldn’t, and to be fair, probably in a lot of ways still can’t say.
Thanks, Draz, for still being over my shoulder and giving me the thoughts I need to be thinking.
Green chile, how I love thee.. and how my stomach hates thee.
Due to indulgence in aforementioned chile, I wasn’t feeling too good last night, so when a CVS mission came up, Rick, like the hero that he is, did that trench run solo. When he got back, it was with the furtive boyish grin associated with surprises.
Rick (at the doorway to the office, hands behind his back): Okay hon, I know you’ve been wanting another corgi pup, and I finally decided it’s time!
Me (lifting skeptical brows): Oh?
Bree (filled with dismay): alarmed look
Rick, with a giant grin, produces this from behind his back.
It plays Bad Case of Lovin You and dances and all the dogs hate it. I guess if you subtracted the music and adding potty training, it kind of is like a new puppy.
Rick’s still in the doghouse with all the females in the house, though.
Poor Rick. Hope he’s enjoying those chuckles.
Extra extra-
While I was writing this, Rick headed out of the office, then back in again a few minutes later, carrying something.
Me (sniffing): Oh, you found food.
Rick (munching): Well yeah, I knew the roast was nowhere near done, so I heated up some leftover chicken.
Me (sighing): You know, I had a plan for that. If you like talked to me (makes hand puppet of Rick with a hand puppet of me answering back) you could have known that! Not worth bothering for just me.
Rick: But.. normally you get mad when I ask cause you don’t have a plan.
Me: THIS WAS LIKE THE ONE TIME I HAD A PLAN!
We both sigh and laugh a little. Joys of marriage.
One of the supposedly useful functions of the Google home thing is that it can start timers for you. This is real handy when cooking, until it isn’t.
Me: OK Google, how much time is left on the timer?
Googlebitz: There are four timers. One is a six minute timer paused at thirty seconds. One is a fifteen minute timer at zero. One is a seven minute timer paused to two minutes. One is a twenty five minute timer at zero.
Me (making a face, cause none of these were the timers I was looking for, and I wasn’t in the mood for Google mind tricks): How much time is left on the thirty minute timer?
Googlebitz: That timer is t minus four minutes.
Me (sourly with volumes of sarcasm): Thank you so much.
Googlebitz: You’re welcome, I’m here to help.
Rick (bursting out with laughter): I think Google just flipped you off.
Me: That’s it, I’m watching you!
Rick (still laughing): But she’s so polite with her British accent.
Me (still glaring at the bitz): Aussie!
Rick’s still laughing. Googlebitz is sitting in a cloud of smug silence.
In the interests of full disclosure, I’m a day behind on writing about my mantra experiences- so this was yesterday’s focal thought.
For the past few years, I’ve taken on a lot between my work life and my personal life, had lots of little epiphanies and revelations about what it means to be myself but also to be brave.
From either of the sides of my life, so there’s so much that wouldn’t have happened for me if I hadn’t been willing to answer a challenge, so many people I wouldn’t have met that helped me change the way I saw myself.
So yeah, the last years haven’t been easy, and I’ve been more tired than ever before. But through accepting the challenges that have come and learning from the astounding people I’ve met along the way, I’ve also found out how to truly love myself, even the aspects that I never thought I would.
So, if you’ve been keeping up with the story- previous gaming table rant, you’ll know that in September 2017, we plunked down a minor assload of money for this uber mc spiffy gaming table, that, as of January 2019, we don’t have.
So the last couple of weeks, we’ve been engaged in the Quixotic battle to get. our. table.
It hasn’t gone well.
To date, there’s more than 15 emails in the chain to customer service, with the last four being just us begging for a tracking number that we were told we’d have Monday, after our part was shipped… again? for the first time? We don’t know. We’ve reported the project to Kickstarter as failing to deliver rewards, and we’ve messed the company through Kickstarter, who told us to email these three magical addresses, which has not availed us.
This morning we emailed the magic addresses and responded back through the Kickstarter.
Honestly at a complete loss here.
Well, not a complete loss. I’ll keep posting on here, Facebook, and tweeting my little heart out to see if I can keep other people from making the same mistake.
Curiouser and Curiouser 