So. Many. Words.

Yesterday was a long, long day. 22 hours, to be precise.

And they were full of people.

To be entirely fair, I don’t out a whole lot. My work is all from my home office, where I may wear leggings or jeans or full professional gear. I talk to people all day, but there’s a key. There’s a point behind every word. I don’t make random mouth sounds, and while I may think out loud, even that has a purpose and a point.

So you might kinda get the fact that I think words should be used on purpose. Maybe it’s the hearing impairment (so I actually have to work to understand people verbally) or maybe it’s just a twitch from growing up (of which I retain many)- I’m not sure. All I know is that if you want to stress me out, put me in large, echoey rooms with a bunch of people who don’t know how to shut the fuck up when someone else I *want* to listen to is talking. Like maybe over a whole sound system for a TV production. If I can’t hear THAT person over your bullshit ‘yeah I could build a bot, but…’ and a bunch of lame ass shit that sounds like it’s a fourteen year old kid talking about how he *could* get girls, but- I”m going to get really damn over your ass really fast. If it’s Rick talking to me, it’s not that bad, even if I can’t make out exactly what he’s saying, I can use the pattern of his mouth plus the probability of what he’s likely to say to get there. But a faceless announcer over a sound system? I’m screeeewed. And the longer I go on not hearing what I want to hear, because life doesn’t come with closed captioning enabled, the more I’m going to resent you for thinking your words are more important.

Airport announcements.. similar problem. I rely on the signs and the updates through Google travel. I was also completely astounded by how many people feel the need to PROJECT when the person they are talking to is sitting right next to them. Like, dude, I’m (probably over) half deaf, facing the opposite direction, and I heard every syllable perfectly. Meanwhile, I have to lipread Rick sitting right next to me and speaking at a reasonable volume, you know, the not to be intrusive to others in the area volume. The trying to be a good human and not make you an unwilling party to my conversation volume. The indoor voice.

And do NOT get me started on the number of people who have to FaceTime every minute of the goddam day. Being apart is okay. It’s healthy. Your mom/sister/bestie/significant other/etc does not need to follow you via the magic of technology. I honestly cannot fathom what you’d talk about when you aren’t apart.. I mean, they kind of know everything you’ve done already…? And of course, when you use the magic tech bits, you PROJECT. So now your bestie/whoever knows about your last bowel movement AND SO DOES THE REST OF THE TERMINAL OH MY GOD THANKS EVER SO MUCH FOR SHARING.

Upon consideration, I am not really sure if I am peopled out or just worded out. It didn’t help that most of the people that were ‘here to help’ really didn’t. I don’t know if you were aware, but TSA regulations vary from venue to venue. So in Albuquerque, they only want your ID, not your boarding pass, and they don’t care if you take off your belt or hoodie or not. Cool. I’ve had items pass in one place, only to have them thrown away in another (you can’t carry over 4 oz of toothpaste out of Eugene, but it flew in there just fine?) and I shrug and roll with it. It’s not worth questioning and potentially ending up unable to fly.

In Vegas, everything off, all things reviewed, and dear heavens don’t you DARE put a laptop type item in the bin with anything else. And BARKED at for being wrong. Like dude.. we don’t know. We know you’ve said the same words five thousand times today. But there were no signs to guide us, and you didn’t say it five thousand times to us. So maybe don’t yell at us or treat us like an utter waste of space? That’d be good.

So am I peopled out or worded out or mean spirited out? I’m not really sure. I just know a day of staying in my spot on the couch and puttering around appeals a lot more than going out right now. And thinking about how lovely it would be if folks started the day off thinking about how they impact people around them, and decided to do their best to be a positive impact. Sure, there’s times where that’s just not a possibility, but I think it’s more of a possibility than a lot of people try to make it.