Potential spoilers, though from the box office returns, I’m wondering if anyone that would read this piece hasn’t already seen it anyway. Read on at your peril. And know that I hate, despise, and loathe this movie so badly that I deeply desire the two hours of my life it took to watch it back.
There is good news, though… you don’t have to see it to understand Engame. So we’ve got that going for us which is nice.
OK, spoilers starting.
- Brie Larson’s character (I don’t really give a shit about the actress or her commentary) was deeply unlikable. I had 0 empathy for her character at any point in time. She was really anything… like that line from the Hunger Games where Haymitch is desperately trying to get Katniss to show something of herself in interview mode. That was this whole. damn. movie. I went into Wonder Woman with about the same level of expectation (profoundly meh and lukewarm), and got glory and heart and courage and humor… and downright goosebumps from the no man’s land sequence. Here, I just got a damp foot from the waitstaff spilling a beer on me. To be fair, that did cause some chills, I guess.
- Steam started pouring out of my ears at the dis-ingenuity of Jude Law’s character stating that Veer’s problem was that she was too emotional and lacked control. It’s the same smugly delivered pap that has kept women from embracing themselves and their power and seeing it echoed here, even ironically, was just fucking insulting.
- The thin veneer of 90sisms was another shallow attempt to get nostalgia engagement from Gen X chicks.. with an extra fuck you for using No Doubt’s ‘Just a Girl’ (See #2) and Nirvana’s ‘Come As You Are’.
And now, speed round!
- Kree was mentioned way too early for any kind of suspense/twist to build, you knew she was workin for the bad guys
- Shapechanging Skrulls are good guys? The fuck?
- Tentacle faced cat took Nick Fury’s eye. Sure.
- Tesseract as a hair ball, great, let’s fuck up that timeline a little more.
To be fair, there was one thing that I liked. The opening Stan Lee credits were amazing.
In this era of all style and no substance, when we’ve waited so very long for a Marvel heroine, she’s probably the one we deserved. Doesn’t mean I won’t keep hoping for a Valkyrie or Wasp standalone film.
Cause that wouldn’t suck.
Curiouser and Curiouser 