A lot of things floating around in the air around my head, sometimes through it, sometimes not. I think you know me well enough to pardon me for my ramble and see me through the other side, for I do promise that all these not so random random thoughts do come to a point of coagulation, if you will.
A Facebook memory surfaced from four years ago, and I was even then exhorting people to be kind and thoughtful of others, to be the change they wanted to see in the world.
And I have tried, so, so hard to share my own moments, to share those sparks of joy and creativity, and yes, humor when stuck with the absurd that life seems to fling our way.
Then I pulled up my feed on Monday, and really looked at what was there. Mean girl type memes on Ocasio-Cortez. Exhortations about how the right way to live was by someone else’s idol. Pleas to join in on multilevel marketing scams. A disconcertingly cult-like series on how to get right minded on racial issues. A gofundme to fix up someone’s car. A lot of mental health/girl power propaganda on how if you can’t handle her at her worst, you don’t deserve her at her best. And yeah, some cute dog pics.
What I didn’t see enough of were folks sharing simple laughs, simple pleasures, and simple kindnesses.
It made me sad and tired, and I started unfollowing people… when I got up to six, I just closed out the page and leaned back in my office chair.
Cause what strikes me to the heart is every one of those people, at some point in time, I had made a decision to connect with, because I wanted to share in their story. I found them endearing or inspiring or funny or looked up to them. And now…
We went out to dinner at our favorite place, where everyone knows us, teases us about our inevitably matching/not exactly matching cause omg we aren’t that couple Star Wars gear. And for one reason or another, we ended up waiting for over twenty minutes to be served. When we flagged a server, we had a manager at our table in seconds that would. not. let. us. speak.
It began with a flow of I’m so sorry that this has happened to you we’re taking care of everything it’s on us today and this shouldn’t have ever been a thing- to the point where i had to cut it off and ask, do you even know what you’re apologizing for?
I ended up being more pissed off at the manager’s behavior of speaking over us than I did about the original situation. (In case it comes in handy, the trick to dealing with an escalation is usually not about solving the problem- it’s about changing how the injured party feels about the problem!)
I started paying attention to groups around us- and it was all the same. The casual, dismissive rudeness, the raising of voices to drown out someone else that had something to contribute to the conversation.
And then I watched a focus group from VICE news.. same thing! We’ve forgotten or plain don’t care to watch and listen for the cues that someone is trying to speak.
What happens to us all when we no longer care about hearing one another?
So, long story short, I’ve had it.
I refuse to raise my voice to be heard. I will wait, because that is how civilized people act. And if it means that I do not speak, then I will let silence become me.
I still haven’t figured out all the negative crud- other than feeling low about how cruel we can be to one another because political ideology doesn’t happen to mesh, and we can’t accept an opposing view with respect.
And I probably am tilting at windmills- but this is a one woman mission. I do not have the right to tell others how to live. Do I hope to inspire folks- well, sure, who doesn’t? I really, so very much want to believe that these sentiments are not unique to me, that there are others looking around and recognizing the symptoms.
I’ll help you into your armor if you’ll help me into mine.
Curiouser and Curiouser 