Some of you have been following my recent adventures in home improvement and the creation of my quote outdoor living space unquote. So far, that has consisted of putting up durable shade, buying nicer furniture for outside than I have inside, putting down a rug, and planting happy things that I can manage to keep alive (petunias, tufts of purpley grass, cthulu plant that comes in at night, and miniature roses).
I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to order certain strains of mini roses (purple and interestingly stripey versions for me), but you have to catch little tiny mini bareroot rose bushes from select nurseries at the right time of year. With the joys of Albuquerque spring weather, I had steeled myself to accept a 50% loss of my new roses as a matter of sleety, snowy course.
So they got here last month, and I babied and coaxed and tucked them in at night with freakin cheesecloth to bring along four little teeny tiny perfect rosebushes.
I beboped out of the house on Saturday morning to say hello to my outdoor living space and.. the horror.
Where there had been four flourishing little plants all abloom, I was suddenly down to two! Two whole rose plants were eaten down to the damn stem!
Now, typically speaking, I’m a live and let live kinda girl. I’ve got water set out for the birds, sometimes even seed.
But this is it, you little bunny bitches, you furry fuckers, you rapacious rabbit rascals… I’m going all Elmer Fudd on your asses.
You know, in the mild mannered way that I do. So far, I have hit them with the max high setting on my water hose anytime I see them on the sidewalk. Cause, yeah, that’ll learn you varmints! And I’m gonna let my dogs out to like bark at you and stuff! And I’m gonna say mean, mean, mean things about them on Facebook! Next I’ll vote against your candidates for the elections and stop watching TV shows you like so they get cancelled!
I’m gonna feed you sugar so you get FAT and TOOTH DECAY! I’m gonna report you to the IRS for failing to pay your taxes!
Yeah! Down with the Bunny Bastards!
**Update- We finally had an idea I wish we’d had months and months ago! Along the far side of the front yard, we have this pretty little bricked in flowerbed. I tried to grow stuff in it a couple times, and rabbits and sun pretty much took care of THAT.
This time, we had all the old sand dug out, put in soil, and planted chocolate mint.
MINT, you bunny bastards.. chew on that, go ahead!
The mintlings are getting a lot of TLC, and if the stuff we had to chainsaw out of the courtyard is any indication, it should be a nice, pretty little pile of shrubbery in no time. Bunny deterring shrubbery. /cross fingers
With my luck, the little shits will learn how to make juleps and mojitos and open a club.
Curiouser and Curiouser 